Hospital Banter

“beep…beep…beep…beep…beep…” This is the sound thats filling this small hospital room. For the past five minutes or so, this is what I’ve heard. As i sit here with my dad, waiting for a nurse, somebody, to come and make it stop; my head is hurting and I am tired. You know, sleeping in these fancy chairs they have for visitors really isn’t all that comfortable. I have an achey hip, and my patience is being tested. But as I sit beside this window with a beautiful ray of sunshine shining through, along with the knowledge that my dad is mostly okay and considerably healthy for his seventy-five years of life, I realize I should stop the complaining. With the exception of a slew of tests they seem to be constantly performing on him, he’s fine and was sent here because of abnormal numbers from lab work he had done a few days ago. Seemingly, nothing that cannot be controlled with a change in diet and some close monitoring.

My sister and I have kind of tackled this in shifts, sort of. I’ve spent two nights here with him. But she stopped by yesterday and I slid out for a couple of hours. He’s a bit of a handful, my dad. Very opinionated, uncensored, a bit tactless, and just overall has no problem letting any thought he has slip right through his lips unchecked. He even threatened to leave the first night, due to ‘unfair treatment’. He was practically completely dressed before he decided he would stay. I mean, this huge fiasco…

I didn’t know what to do! So, I called my sister and she was able to talk him into staying. My sister, is a bit more firm than I am. She also, was motivated by the fact that she was the one who waited with him for hours prior in the ER and would not have been very please if he’d left without at least letting them do their jobs first. So he’s been griping and complaining to every nurse he’s had about everything as if she herself has direct control over it all. I feel bad for them honestly, but there isn’t much I can do but smile and thank them often.

I understand my dad’s discomfort, however. Hospitals are not the most joyous of places, and its impossible to get any rest either. There’s plenty of waiting around for someone to wisp you away for a test, ultra-sound, a scan…

Im sure its frustrating, at least. Im a bit antsy myself just from spending two days sitting here with him. I feel shut off from the outside world and FOOD! And its freezing in this place. All I can do, is look out the window at the tops of trees, leaves glistening in the sunlight and think of this elaborate scheme; that once I leave I will go to the beach and… sleep in the sand. Just lay and sleep! But its just a scheme, because if he’s so lucky to leave today, Im not driving out to the lakefront on this day. And tomorrow is my boyfriend’s Birthday, which is truly exciting! Especially exciting since I haven’t spent any time with him since Sunday (with the exception of seeing him for a bit on Tuesday).

The sad thing about that though, is Im a pretty indecisive person so I usually make decisions and plans for gifts and Birthdays late. And I’ve been here for two days, not really thinking any of that through! Im gonna go crazy if I don’t get it together! Hopefully, I can leave for a bit today, get some air and figure this whole thing out. I literally just had this thought as I sit here typing. So that just means I need to end this post now, and put my thinking cap on. Lets see what my sleep deprived brain can conjure up.

P.S. I really love this…

I have sleepy eyes and messy hair. ick!

Butterfly..

So, where have I been? Here. Not so sure why the lack of  updates. Aside from little inspiration and lacking desire I suppose.

A really good friend of mine celebrated her 23rd Birthday this past weekend. I wasn’t totally excited at first, mostly because I was broke and have 3 other family Birthdays in this month ( two awesome nieces, and my soon to be 30 year old sister!). She always goes all out, Chicago night club scene, bottle service, hotel stay downtown. The whole nine yards, which is totally awesome and always fun but can become a tad bit pricey for those attending and contributing. All in all though, I’ll say it was worth it. We got much cheaper prices on the hotel than we did last year, and we were all on a bit of a budget so everyone mostly agreed on affordably priced cuisine ( if you can call ordering pizza before going out, a late late late post club stop at a taco shop, and eating Panera the next day…cuisine…). It was fun! And I didn’t really expect it to be less than fun. Good times.

BUT. No beach the next morning. We’ve done that in the past, so I kind of expected to this time. I haven’t made my way out to the beach yet this summer and Im literally itching to go. I want so badly to be at the beach at this very moment actually. Im hoping I can make it happen Saturday morning though. We’ll see. My fingers are crossed. Double crossed, even.

P.S. I really Love this…

Butterflys!!

So I spotted this pretty Monarch in my back yard yesterday. Thought I’d share it.

And I also “discovered” this song by Jason Mraz which coincidentally has been in my itunes playlist for some time now. I just haven’t actually heard this song before a couple of weeks ago when I actually listened to it in its entirety. Its called ‘Butterfly’ and for very obvious reasons (if you listen to it) I cannot help but think very inappropriate thoughts every time I hear it. So, you’ve been warned. But I love it. Its a great listen, so go ahead…

Pretty words and things.

Lately I’ve been kind of emo. I occasionally go into these bouts of over analyzing, over thinking, excessive music intake, and my brain is usually in overdrive trying to process everything in my life on a deeper level than it is on the surface. Those times I feel like too much is happening. Or sometimes too little. Trying to find happiness, contentment, satisfaction… all of that is, well, kind of confusing. So I float. I just go with it I guess, and eventually things seem to fall into place. I get some of the junk or clutter out of my mind and am able to see, breathe, and think more clearly. In the meantime though, I listen to lots of music and basically drown myself in quotes and photography. Things that inspire.

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don’t think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.”

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

“It made me realize that even when everyone is doing the same thing, we all do it differently. Some faster, some slower. Some with ease, some with great difficulty. But the thing is, you can’t compare yourself to how anyone else is doing it. What matters is your race, not how everyone else is running it. “
-Sarah Dessen

“To be honest with you, I don’t have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart; a heart that’s aching to see you smile again.”

“People spend their whole lives trying to live up to other people’s expectations and being told what to do. I say screw that; be free. do what you want, go where you want, and reach for the sky because life has no limits or boundaries. boundaries are just other people’s fears, and limits are just other people’s expectations. you only get one chance to do all the things that life offers you. have no enemies, no regrets. no fears, and then you’ll have really lived life.”

“I think we spend too much time wondering why we’re not good enough. We spend too much time over-analyzing, over-thinking, and overreacting. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, so much that we don’t ever stop to see that well, we are good enough. You are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down & hearts closed; & never  get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is shining and tomorrow is another day.”

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”  -Emerson

P.S. i really love this…

Buy a blank notebook. Draw a huge heart on the cover. Don’t write anything negative in here. If you need another outlet, make a separate notebook. This one is all about love, personal growth, and getting back up. Fill it with beautiful images, reaffirming thoughts, and quotes. Write in it every day, and each day write one thing you’re grateful for in your life.

useless venting

Since adolescence, I’ve had “growing pains”.

Chronic Pain, pulsing pain, nervy pain, anywhere and everywhere, every single day. I asked about this pain when I was young. I was told by my physician that what I was experiencing was growing pains. Everyone has them and eventually they would stop.

Well Im twenty-three now.

It hasn’t stopped. Its so incredibly frustrating especially considering I’ve been tested for a lot of pain causing diseases and ailments. Apparently there is nothing really wrong with me, other than being anemic and having a few ‘womanly’ (haha) problems. I certainly don’t want a negative diagnosis. But honestly, diagnosis or not, Im still going to have the pain. Unless, of course there’s a simple explanation that can be addressed and fixed.

I used to constantly tell my mom when something hurt. I used to complain about it a lot. But I experience pain so much that it gets old fast. I feel like its a waste of time for me to even talk about it anymore. People will not understand. And because it isn’t debilitating and partially because I’ve become so accustomed to it, people assume it isn’t an actual problem I guess. Which I suppose it wouldn’t be to me either if it weren’t so constant and continuous. The pain isn’t really all that bad most times. So why am I wasting my time venting about it? Well imagine someone pricking you with a tiny needle…a little pain right? No big deal right? More annoying than anything else. So imagine them repeating this all day long, all over your body, continuously. Maybe you get a few hours without being pricked again, sometimes you get several minutes between pricking, other times you don’t even get a second, and occasionally you’re even pricked in multiple places at once with barely a second before the next. Thats basically what my life is like. And yes, I’ve gotten very good at tuning it out, and not even acknowledging it most times. Id even say that %90 of the time it doesn’t as much as slow me down, I don’t think twice about it. Im just so used to it, that it doesn’t even bother me anymore. Most days.

Some days are worse than others. Most days its just a twinge-y pain here and there, pulsing occasionally perhaps in a leg, arm, hand, or all three varying throughout the day. Some days its just one body part off and on all day, or a few times in that day. Other days, like today, its wide spread and more intense almost debilitating at times, for short spans of time. Just enough concentrated pain to make me cringe, sigh, lose my train of thought, lose control of my ability to walk for just a moment. Not so intense, however that I cannot go about my day to day activities mostly uninterrupted. Enough however, that on those bad days, I get extremely frustrated. Days like today I just want it to stop for ONE MINUTE, but it doesn’t.

Today, I haven’t had one minute without something aching. Its a sensation thats difficult to explain. The best way I can explain it is that it feels like something is inside my body and restricting blood flow at various points throughout my body continuously all over, left leg, right leg, left arm, hand, right side, right shoulder, right ankle, right leg… and so on. I just want it to stop. Its exhausting. Today was exhausting.

But enough with the negative talk. I must end this pointless venting on a positive note!

P.S. I really love this…

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”
- Sigmund Freud

Just a bit to Inspire, this Sunday.

Promise yourself to be strong, that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and  make your optimism come true. Think only the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. “Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.” Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side as long as you are true to the best that`s in you.

I hope those words inspire someone today.

Enjoy Father’s Day!

-Jacquie

Sunshine & Starbucks

A couple of Things I Love, this Thursday.

Starbucks & Sunshine

So, today I returned to work after having almost a week off as a way to end our school year and begin our summer session with the students. Boy, was it a slap in the face. But all in all, it wasn’t so bad. We took some students to the park nearing the end of the school day and although it was almost uncomfortably hot in the sun (perhaps Im exaggerating), it was great to get a good dose of sunlight too.  I always have loved the sun and almost dread gloomy days. But clear blue skies and even skies with big fat fluffy white clouds, are just so beautiful to me in conjunction with a little sunshine!

<3 In addition to the obvious effects of Vitamin D; healthier bones & muscles, and an increased immune system, it also stimulates the pineal gland in your brain which promotes happy feelings and thoughts!

P.S. I really love this…

www.starbucks.com

Tazo® Green Tea Crème Frappuccino®

I totally believe in spoiling myself with endless Starbucks beverages on a very regular basis, just one of the things I really really love. I tried this drink for the first time a couple days ago. And it is amazingly refreshing and deliciously yummy without being too sweet or heavy. Tazo Matcha green tea is also infused with subtle hints of  tropical fruit flavors. This in my opinion is perfect for a hot sunny day treat. Trust me, this is so so good! One of my newest not-so-guilty-at-all pleasures!

So lovlies…while you’re enjoying the sun! Whats you’re favorite not-so-guilty-at-all pleasure?

1 bra 100 ways?

www.victoriassecret.com

Whoa! Hold up! Wait a minute…am I the only lady who hasn’t known about this fantastic, or possibly way overkill, bra before just recently? For me finding the right bra, especially during the summer months when I want to wear frilly little girly things (kinda), can be a hassle.

This VS bra has apparently been around for some time already! Its sold with three sets of straps and of course can be worn strapless. Reviewers say this bra stays up and secure. And the best part? I wouldn’t have to worry about what to do to hide my straps. I personally haven’t tried it yet, but am strongly considering taking my booty to go purchase it today as it is on clearance for Only $19.99.

Now I know this isn’t deep or intellectual at all, but I just thought I’d share this with you ladies. For me its like a dream come true! Though, I didn’t mention it in my last post about following your dreams. Ha!

OR this bra could end up being a disaster… I can only think of about nine different ways to wear a bra, honestly.

What do you think of this bra. Overkill? or Genius?

Buy it!

Do you follow your dreams?

“Do you follow your dreams?” My boyfriend asked me this question this morning. My answer, “Sometimes, I have a lot of dreams and most of them are so far out there…” I didn’t really have an answer for him or myself. I do have a LOT of dreams, a lot of things I wish I could do, a lot of things I would really love to do. But honestly, if I attempted to follow every dream I have, I would look and act like a crazy woman. I’d be cracked out on my, already ridiculously out of control, Starbucks habit. I’d be a different person every hour and I’d still not have enough hours in a day to manifest all the roles my little brain has illicitly conjured up for me to dream. Realistically speaking,  is it really possible for me to save the world anyway? Ahhh, well probably not. Or at least not single-handedly.

I remember being a little girl with mounds of dreams and aspirations. I wanted to be a writer, a dancer, feed the hungry, inspire, save lives, be an artist…  Amazingly enough, those dreams still exist, among many others. But somewhere along the way, we lose that sense of wonderment, we not only discover that super-heros, santa, magic and fairy tales don’t actually exist, but we also realize how unrealistic those fallacies are. We stop believing that certain things are possible, that we can play more than one role in our grown up lives. Ultimately we, in many ways, stop dreaming at all.

I personally, believe it could be fun to adopt a more childlike approach to my dreams and goals, perhaps to not take them so seriously and to believe in something that may seem just a bit out of reach. It’s been proven time and again that persons who practice or indulge in the ‘power of positive thinking’ (or in this case believing) yield more positive results in whatever it is they’re doing, than those that do not. People have positively thought sickness, allergies, and even cancer away…

So why not think our believe or way to our dreams?

Do you follow your dreams?

-the above image was taken & edited by me.

i went to a wedding this weekend

In essence, this is what i wore to the wedding/reception. The dress is exactly what I wore, except it was grey, from NY&Co. I wore a statement ring from Charlotte Russe, purse from NY&Co, and very inexpensive flat sandals (because comfort is my number one priority). This outfit was great because the dress has lots of movement, which is awesome for getting down on the dance-floor! And the shoes were super cute without killing my feet! Now I just have to find a reason to wear that dress again, and again before the summer ends!

The next time I’ll try to get a photo of me wearing the featured outfit. Let me know what you think.

www.nyandcompany.com

www.payless.com

www.charlotterusse.com

15 things to do this summer

Photos taken by; me

As summer nears, I find myself making little mental lists of everything I would love to accomplish or experience before the summer ends. The warmer weather and longer days make me desire explorations and fun shenanigans! I know I cannot be the only one who loves the way summer feels and thoroughly enjoys the many possibilities that accompany the season!These are just a few of the things that have made my “Things to-do list”, this summer;

Go to the beach and build a sand castle

Get a really great massage

Visit a flea market

Go to an amusement park and play and ride roller coasters until dark

Go to a carnival, and devour the amazing delicacies (funnel cakes, cotton candy, frozen lemonade…)

Read, read, read

Have my boyfriend teach me how to swim! (amazingly, I’ve never learned how!)

Lay around in the grass with a pair of sunglasses and my earbuds on

Dance the night away

Trust my intuition

Get a deluxe spa pedicure

Make at least one new friend

Go roller skating

Have a picnic

Take photos of as many pretty things as i can